A cheater's guide to blogging.

Find something hilarious on the internet that most people are unlikely to have seen, and throw in a few additional funny comments in at the end. Tah-dah! You now have a full page blog! On that note, I was looking to buy a car wash package on Groupon when I stumbled across this random piece if hilarity. Enjoy! The Groupon Guide to: Wedding Proposals For one month every year, people get together to celebrate wedding season. Get in the mood with these creative proposal proposals: • Put her name as "WIFE" on the bowling machine. • If your partner uses medically prescribed foot cream, put the ring somewhere near that. • Have 300 custom-made paintballs with wedding rings inside, then spend the day surprise-shooting your future spouse. • Dress up like a giant bug and say "Be my spouse, you louse!" • Mail yourself to China, then mail yourself to your significant other's office. It's important to mail yourself to China first for that realistic, well-traveled box look. • Wait until she's giving an important presentation at work and interrupt the meeting. Tell her "It's your job or me forever." • Write a Top 40 song where you propose to your significant other in the chorus. This only works if he or she has a nose for popular music. • Swallow the ring and get your significant other to take you to the hospital so when they pump your stomach he or she will get a surprise. &bulll; You could probably bungee jump off a tall building and slip it on your significant other's finger while she or he is walking underneath without hurting anyone. • Kidnap the local varsity football quarterback and impersonate him during the big game. After taking a snap with a special ball you attached a wedding ring to, throw it at her on the sidelines and say "Marrying me would be a slam dunk." Also, win the game. • Or, you could use the text box at the bottom of a coupon website. Mildred, we have walked through all the stars in the solar system for years now. You were the one by my side when I couldn't stand by my side on my own two feet. For all the days of my years, you filled my insides with emotion and my outside with delight. Will you make me the most full man in the world by being my legal wife? Thanking you in advance, The Man Who Writes These. ********************************************** My personal favorite is the bowling thing (the only one that is *actually* a cute idea and not just the staff writers at Groupon being silly), but I also like the whole sports themed one, especially since it has you using the term "slam dunk" while referring to a football game. And the mailing yourself to China idea? Now *there's* dedication (and stupidity because that would be a complete and total waste of money; do you know how many books you could get for that amount of $$? I'm not well versed in the field of travel expenses, so I can't claim to quote exact numbers, but I'm guessing it's a lot!). And I like the dressing up in costume idea however, And since I like to rhyme, what better a time, to make a complaint about the line, "Dress up today, just like a louse, and ask that girl to be your spouse." While funny-it's true, it's not something for you, to wear when you ask her to say "I do." Dress like Cupid perhaps, or maybe a bear, something soft, warm, and fuzzy, to show that you care. And when she says "Yes!" (Which she'll hopefully do) Come back to this blog and I'll say "I TOLD you!" ********************************************* For the record, that whole silly poem popped into my head, just like you see it above. No edits, changes, nothing. Two minutes of my life well spent...did you know that writing poetry (and walking on balance beams) can help prevent Alzheimer's? No joke! I read it in Reader's Digest and they would *never* steer me wrong! Okay everyone, I've got a sink full of dirty dishes calling my name. Catch you on the flip side!

Random thought of the day

Why to drug addicts (no matter what their drug) always seem to be drinking from giant soda cups? Think about Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, her hooker friend who answered the phone when she called. She immediately grabbed a super giant soda as soon as the phone woke her up! And ew, 'cause it must have been super flat and warm...yuck!! But seriously, I'm watching Intervention and this girl who's addicted to Xanax and heroin is drinking from a super huge big gulp and it made me think about how *everyone* on Intervention is always drinking from an enormous plastic cup of caffeine. Morning, noon, night, drugs must make them thirsty!! No matter what they're snorting or smoking, they follow it up with a big gulp from a big gulp! Well, that's all folks! Just wanted to share my Sunday morning observation with the cyber-world. :)

But they don't make me hungry (or want to play their games)

Especially not when they jam their fingers in their bloody wounds and swish them all around! Bleah! But seriously, I normally *hate* the books of the masses. I don't like Twilight (stupid vampires!) I have never and will never read Fifty shades of Grey (more like a hundred shades of boring) Stephen King bores me (yawn!) and my favorite author changes every week, to someone you've never heard of (that sounds a lot snottier when I say it out loud, but it's true! Sorry!) So in other words, I don't usually like the same books as other people, but I like the Hunger Games! I'm reading the book AND watching the movie at the same time, trying to motivate myself to go to the thrift store and buy some pants that actually fit (I've been sick for like the last month-and my health insurance finally ran out-and I've lost over twnety pounds. Seeing as how I only weighed like one twenty six to begin with, I am too tiny. I'm smaller then I was in high school, and if I lose any more weight, I will actually be a ninety eight pound weakling.) So I guess I should stop reading, watching, and writing and go shopping for two dollar jeans. I swear, once you start buying clothes at the thrift store, it's impossible to go back to paying fifty bucks for pants you don't even want (I miss my weight!). Luckily, I have an awesome boyfriend who got me delicious valentine's day mcdonald's when I said I wanted to get fattened back up...and I said this at like ten twenty five! He made it by ten thirty and went to starbucks on the way back...and he didn't even get coffee for himself! He got himself mickey d's coffee and then went to starbucks just to get me my favorite drink! Best (and most delicious!) Valentine's day ever! I love my fella...no games, no hunger! I only like those things in my books and movies. :)

Why can't you talk to me like normal?

Mmm...probably because you're CRAZY! Watch this space for an upcoming blog about crazy candace, the world's nuttiest nutjob. Hopefully, there will be videos to go along with it! That kinda (totally) depends on her though, so don't hold your breath. See, over a MONTH ago, I told her to post all these videos she claimed to have of me (she said they were porn, but unless chewing gum and stepping on tiny action figures factors into the same category as her shit-foot jobs, pissing in toilets, topless coughing and other perfectly lovely type things-I think she's just doing that whole empty threat thing she does so well). But seriously, psycho candace is creeping her way closer and closer to a civil harrassment restraining order. Think I'm kidding? Try me. :)

nine months later

An ironic title considering the topic. Anyone remember when I went through that short lived phase of writing an abortion article everyday for thirty (or was it forty?) days. Well, apparently I wasn't as lazy as I thought...I just found a ton of entries in my old notebook. Most of them are too long to type considering all I have it my phone so typing takes muuuuuuch longer but I did find this little gem (dated march 31st, 2012): "I do not agree with your opinion, but I respect your right to make your own choices. And the reason you can't do the same for me is...what exactly?" There's also a bunch of stuff about the nuns at mercy general not judging me, but again, too long to type on the phone. I'll get some sort of texting based carpel tunnel. Plus, I have *got* to try to eat something. Sick for ten days and I've lost like thirteen pounds!! And I wasn't exactly heavy to begin with...I don't like weighing in the one teen's, especially the low end...one fourteen? Seriously? Yeah yeah, I know, no one has sympathy for the skinny girl, but come on. Fourteen pounds in ten day? NOT healthy. As soon as I feel better, I'm going to bankrupt the Golden Corral! But for now...dry saltines, here I come! :)